


Stuck

by Nectardust



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Are we really surprised it's Ed, Coming Out, Foul Language, Gate, In case anyone wants to continue this premise, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Work Up For Adoption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 14:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19402618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nectardust/pseuds/Nectardust
Summary: Hohenheim's and Ed's father-son relationship is developing...and Hohenheim learns Ed misses WHO?





	Stuck

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Don't you know that by now, silly?
> 
> Dedicated to Lina of BlackMercifulFaerie from FFnet back in 2006. Unbeta'ed and unchanged from original post.

"Aside from the obvious, what's bothering you?"

It may have been tactless of Hohenheim Elric to ask that question of his eldest son, especially considering everything the ex-Fullmetal Alchemist had been through lately, but skirting around the issue had gotten him nowhere. After about a month and a half of hinting concern, the older legendary alchemist decided it was time to be blunt.

Yes, Edward had survived and dealt with more than what most people could handle in about five lifetimes. Hohenheim would know; he'd lived them. His son had been raised in a "dysfunctional" family, though Ed would always stubbornly argue that they - he and Al and Trisha - had been much happier without him. Ed had lost his mother, two limbs, his brother's body, and his childlike innocence in rapid succession, and he'd rolled with the punches (admittedly, he still had bruises from Izumi Curtis's training). His adolescent years had been spent serving in a strict military environment, chasing after an elusive dream to restore order and happiness to his and Al's lives, and crushing on a man almost twice his age who just so happened to be the closest thing to a "legal guardian" the Elric brothers ever had. None of which were even remotely normal things he, as a teen, should have been experiencing.

Not that Hohenheim Elric knew of that last detail.

It was true that Edward Elric could cope with whatever life tossed at him. At least, it had seemed that way. But then…The Gate happened. And the blonde's steely resolve immediately disintegrated, as if the Gate had completely changed Ed's personality about so he couldn't cause any more problems.

Edward Elric _was_ known to do the impossible and disrupt the fabric of the universe.

As to what had reduced the once unimpressionable People's Alchemist to his current pathetic state…

Well, as Hohenheim had mentioned, there was the obvious. The shock of being thrown into a new world, torn from his brother and the life he had worked so hard to maintain, to _develop_ …

But enough was enough, and it was ample time Ed rejoin the world of the living. Not in the alchemic taboo way, since Edward was very much physically alive, but in the mentally-and-emotionally-dead-to-the-world way. His eyes were listless and hazy, actions clumsy, words slow. It seemed overall that Edward Elric was lost in a dream…and incapable of rousing himself. So his father would do it for him. Even if it hurt.

The blond youth stiffened at the probing question, turning on his side to face the wall. He tried to disguise the forlorn sigh that sounded seconds later as a tired yawn, but Hohenheim Elric hadn't lived four centuries without learning a thing or two hundred. "Nothing much," the teen mumbled. "You know, just…"

_Just the feeling of Roy's arms around him, tugging him closer. Just the familiarity of Roy's lips moving against his, curving into a smug smirk as Ed tried desperately to keep his moans from mingling with the Colonel's own. Just the slightest rustle as eager hands pushed Roy's military jacket off his shoulders, his own red coat joining it in a heap on the floor a moment later. Just the unrestrained pleasure and thrill of being with the man he desired, because they could afford thirty seconds of bliss together before they were interrupted by the cold intrusion of reality._

Hohenheim watched his son's rigid back a second longer before leaving the room, allowing Ed room to grieve and sulk. He understood that Edward had been through a lot, but he also knew the world moved on. He just didn't want his son to get left behind, wallowing in guilt and misery.

_"Where are you going?" the blonde murmured, letting his hands slide from Roy's shoulders. "I thought we had time…"_

_The older alchemist smiled slyly at his younger lover as he briskly moved to lock the door. Because they deserved more than thirty seconds of stolen kisses._

Without Roy Mustang, the fire behind Edward Elric's eyes burned out, and only the smoky ashes remained. Now the only impenetrable doorway between them was The Gate, and neither alchemist possessed the power to bend Truth to his will.

-+-

"You know, Al wouldn't want you to drown in self-pity, Edward."

An indignant huff sounded from somewhere on the bed. A tiny smile worked its way onto Hohenheim's face; it was small, but it was noteworthy: Ed's response had _attitude_. "I am _not_ 'drowning in self-pity,' you bastard!" Ed shouted, finally emerging from underneath the covers. "And…!" The incensed anger faded as the teen didn't follow up with anything else to say. Both Elrics were silent before Ed mumbled something and turned his head, a slight blush staining his cheeks.

Hohenheim tilted his head curiously. "What was that, son?"

Though disturbed by the 'son' part, Ed repeated himself. "I said," he whispered, "that it's not _only_ Al I miss…"

"Well, naturally. Of course you left behind a wide range of friends. I imagine they're missing you, too," the older man offered, trying to be soothing. Unfortunately for Hohenheim Elric, four centuries of alchemy research did not extend to cover comfort and fatherhood.

"That's not what I _mean_ ," Ed protested, the red on his cheeks deepening as he buried his face in his knees, trying to avoid the fact.

The dust settled on the wooden floorboards as the older man processed his observations. He'd seen many instances over the years where someone sulked in bed and "forgot" to eat and move and communicate and _live_. He himself had felt broken after he left his wife and sons, and it was because he missed them so. Especially Trisha. And, if Ed would move forward and find his own footing for his brother's sake, that meant it had to be something else entirely to make the elder Elric brother shut down as he had. Was it simply the shock and despair of being thrown through the Gate? Or was there some other powerful force at work? Something tremendous. Something like…something…

So, if his conclusion was right, Ed was… _pining_ …for someone.

"…Oh," Hohenheim finally responded, letting out a weak chuckle. "So it's _that_ kind of 'acquaintance' you're missing, hm? I know how that feels." When Ed didn't answer, the older man moved to sit on the bed. "You know, I know exactly what you're going through, Edward."

"No you don't," the teen bit out stubbornly, angrily. "You _left_ Mom. Of your own free will. I had no choice but to come here!"

His father warily closed his eyes and settled himself more firmly on the seat of the bed. "You had a choice," he rebuked gently. "You didn't have to sacrifice yourself for Alphonse." Opening his eyes, he saw matching golden orbs glaring at him, burning with their intensity. "My choice was the same, Edward. I left to keep Trisha and you boys safe from Dante. There was no alternative."

Ed hissed through his teeth. "You could've at least visited once in a while, you bastard." Putting on a sarcastically impressed tone, the Fullmetal gushed, "Ah, the great and wonderful Hohenheim of Light! His research and studies have greatly influenced the field of alchemy! Let's speak of him in hushed tones because we see him as some sort of living god!" A pause. Then, "Pft. You've got a wonderful public reputation, but some husband and father you turned out to be…"

Hohenheim sagged forward, calmly breathing through his nose as he purposely kept his gaze from his son's. "I've made many mistakes," he admitted, "but can you honestly tell me you haven't repeated them?" With that, he left Edward to his own devices.

At least anger directed towards him would distract Ed from feeling homesick and heartbroken.

-+-

"So, who was she? The neighbor girl? What was her name…Sara? No, wait, that's not right," the blond man asked at dinner the following evening, scratching his head as he searched his memory.

Ed huffed, but at least answered in a civilized tone, which was a step up from his recent display of attitude. "You're off a generation, old man. You mean Winry." He stabbed at his food with a fork, letting out his aggression. His voice was normal, only still with the usual hint of righteous anger underlying the surface.

"I'm guessing it's not her," Hohenheim concluded, searching Ed's face for any signs of longing, happiness, or regret. He mentally jumped as his son turned to look him in the eye, a rare phenomenon these days.

Silence stretched between them for a moment before Ed snorted, shaking his head as if something was dearly amusing to him. "If you're thinking _her_ , then you're _way_ off target."

A good-natured sigh sounded from the older ex-alchemist. At least Ed was speaking to him, and laughter was definitely a good sign. "Wrong personality?" he asked dryly. "Any girl I know?" Granted, he didn't know many girls in his sons' lives, but there was that one bookworm friend who had been hanging around the Rockbell household that one time.

Edward stilled, then fidgeted in the moments that followed. After long minutes of deliberation, he took a deep breath, averted his eyes, and offered: "You know the person, but I've never seen you talk to a girl we both know." Before that could process, he quickly added on, "You know, besides Winry." He purposely left out the example of Maria Ross, not wanting to get into another childish fight after all the bridges they'd crossed together.

Hohenheim opened his mouth to comment, then promptly closed it as the meaning penetrated and sunk in. A few moments passed without a reaction. Then, "I…see," he said with difficulty, swallowing a sudden lump in his throat. The shock was evident on his features, but he quickly squashed any initial feelings of disgust; he couldn't judge his own _son_ …especially on the basis of sexual orientation. Especially after he'd done so much worse. He _had_ no room to judge. Focusing once more on the present, Hohenheim looked at his son staring fixedly at the wall, trying his hardest not to blush and failing miserably. "Who is _he_ , then, if you don't mind my asking?" The older man had no idea where he found the will to speak, but he managed.

Really, he wasn't ashamed of his eldest. Just taken aback…

The younger ducked his head, embarrassed. Edward Elric was never embarrassed. What had happened to him, anyway? Did he just miss this _guy_? "He's, uh," Ed coughed violently, then resumed with, "well, he's military."

"Military," Hohenheim repeated thoughtfully. "So, I've spoken with him? Or at least seen him before? Was he part of Mustang's faction that followed you to Resembool that one time?" The older man smirked then, triumphant, as Ed stilled under his gaze. "I'll take that as a confirmation." Even if he was surprised, he had to make a point to be interested in Edward's life. Old life, _and_ new. The oldest Elric had over sixteen years of parenting to make up for in Ed's case, which meant he had to get over the niggling sensation in the back of his mind at the news of Ed's…what exactly? Boyfriend? Male lover? How was one supposed to even _approach_ this kind of situation?

"…How do you know Mustang?" Ed asked seemingly out of nowhere, shifting a little in his seat.

Hohenheim paused, trying to remember. "I only met him a couple times, Ed, and in four hundred years you lose track of people. I honestly don't remember. All I can think of is that I saw some potential in him as an alchemist, though I wouldn't know where I originally saw him. Based on the person I met that night in Resembool, though, he seems to have filled out into quite a nice man."

The blush lingering on Ed's face got about ten shades darker. "Yeah," he croaked weakly.

"Why do you ask?" the older questioned, inquisitive. Was Edward trying to distract him from nosing into his love life?

Ed shrugged. "No reason," he answered as if he didn't care, when it was obvious something about the topic meant a great deal to him.

Awkward silences between the two were becoming all too common nowadays.

"How do _you_ know Mustang?" Hohenheim asked, more to break the silence than anything else. They had made progress since they'd been forced to live together this side of The Gate, though, and Ed was finally showing signs of being able to adapt. Hohenheim wanted to keep that thin bond from snapping, because Ed's fragile trust in him could easily shatter. And for that father-son relationship to build, they each needed to communicate. And Edward was learning that chucking lethal objects, yelling in random bursts of anger, and pouting like a spoiled child would only work for so long. Meaning he had to do his part as an adult, and put forth the effort.

Edward looked down at the table and stammered, "Wha- what do you mean, old man? How do I know that bastard? Just why are you interested, anyway? He's my commanding officer. Or he _was_." Was that bitterness in his tone? And underneath that…longing? "How do I know him?" Ed repeated again, this time vehemently answering: "In ways you never could! Or anyone! Damn _that fucking lovable bastard_!"

**Author's Note:**

> So I had more in the works for this 'verse, but the document disappeared sometime over a decade ago. Whoops.


End file.
